You asked what you should do and here is my unequivocal answer: Find a man you like a lot and fuck him until your legs are so weak and wobbly you can hardly stand up. Then do it again the next day. Tell him what turns you on. Ask him what turns him on. Teach him how to touch you so that you have really good orgasms. Stay up ridiculously late telling each other the long stories of your lives. Meet him for pie and walks at spontaneous hours of the afternoon. Purchase a book of poems for him and write something inside in a coded, erotically tender language that only the two of you know the meaning of. If he says, “You’re so beautiful” don’t say, “Thank you.” Say, “What makes you think that?” And then watch his face very carefully while he answers. This will be excruciatingly fun. It will be interesting and hot and sweet and bloody terrifying. You’ll be having sex! With someone capable of absolutely obliterating your heart!
These words. THESE WORDS.